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Lonely and Needing Real Love

 MY TESTIMONY - by Linda Spencer


 God heard my cries. I wanted someone to love me, someone I could love. That sounds simple; that’s what everybody wants and expects to have. But, you know, not many boys will look at girls who are bigger than they are. They either ignore them or make fun of them. God sent me Ray. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I know without a doubt that God made Ray and me for each other. We got married and started raising a family. We talked about going to church, and occasionally went here or there. We both knew we should have the kids in church, but we didn’t do so. Though God answered prayer and healed my son when he was three and had a bad burn, we still didn’t go to church.

Ray had worked at Paoli, but was let go. After a year or so, they wanted him to come back, which he finally did. That is when God started dealing with him. He was talking to people about God and church. All of a sudden, Ray was wanting to go to church. I didn’t know what had been going on with him. I was the one who had always wanted to go, but now it was Ray wanting that. I wasn’t happy with myself, my feelings about myself were bad. In fact, I hated myself, and church wasn’t where I wanted to be.

We did start attending church, but weren’t getting anything from it. Then Ray started talking about the Pentecostal church in Paoli. That’s NOT where I wanted to go! I didn’t know much about Pentecostals, but they were called Holy Rollers, and I didn’t want to have anything to do with them. Ray went a couple of times on Wednesday nights, and he told me he was being pulled to go to that church. He told me about things he had learned, things I didn’t know anything about, like the infilling of the Holy Ghost, speaking in tongues, and the need of being baptized in Jesus’ name. I searched the Bible to prove him wrong, but couldn’t...it was all there, in the Bible. God took me down His path, slowly and patiently, showing and teaching me about salvation and living for Him..

June, 1995, I was baptized. In September, the first day of a revival, I received the Holy Ghost but didn’t get all I needed. A bad week followed, with the devil working overtime to convince me I hadn’t received God’s Spirit. I didn’t have the feelings of love and joy I’d heard about. The Lord knew what I was still hungry for; and, a few nights later, I experienced the power of His Loving Spirit. God did a great work on me! A few days later, looking in a mirror, I suddenly realized I didn’t hate myself any more! I thank the Lord very much for that. I’d been delivered by the power of His Spirit from those terrible feelings I’d had about myself. I now know, God made me to be just who I was. Best of all, GOD LOVES ME just the way I am and HE LOVES YOU just as you are! 

God has always been there for me, to listen as I poured out my loneliness and troubles. I didn’t always know it was God I was talking to, but it was. I had a very lonely time as a youth; I didn’t have friends and didn’t have any family members my age to be close to. I know that with my loneliness and the way I felt about myself, I could have easily gone down a different path. My brother and sister were alcoholics. My brother battled with it for most of his life. My sister was able to recover and get along with her life. I am so grateful to God that He kept me from alcoholism and other life-ruining problems. 

For prayer or a free Home Bible Study
contact the Paoli Pentecostal Church at (405) 484-7200